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Quarantine
By Jennifer Carpenter, Steve Harris, Columbus Short, Jay Hernandez, Johnathon Schaech
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Holy damn. Yeah. So, Quarantine.
This is a piss-pantsing, sleep-with-the-lights on kind of movie. There are some people who aren't affected by horror and some who scare to easily. And then Quarantine reared its head and freaked the fuck right out of all of them. This isn't your average zombie movie nor is it the zombie movie all the cool kids know, but it is a movie that should be watched and paid attention to.
Its the same gimmick that Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield did, but where those movies failed, this movie got it right. It might have something to do with the fact that our 'Hud' is a professional camera man and not annoying. So the movie is based on a Spanish flick called REC (as in record) where a TV station sends a news anchor and her camera man out to do a story about the night shift at the fire department. Slow news week I guess. In Quarantine, the firemen are pretty crude and there would have to be a lot of editing done to this tape to make it viewable on TV. When the main character set up is done, theres a call for a woman in need of paramedic assistance, and off rush our heroes plus media backup. At the apartment complex, we see our woman who has a case of screaming uncontrollably, foaming at the mouth and biting cops. And before you can say 'braaaaains. . .' the complex is, you guessed it, quarantined. By the CDC. And dudes with guns.
Now this is where the 'this is actual footage' gimmick would get old. There would be people running, everything would be blurry, and a whole lot of screaming crying babble. Quarantine just gets scary. First off, the characters are likeable. He may not say much, but the camera man, Scott, is a pretty cool guy. We also don't know the full dynamic of the relationship between Scott and the anchor, but its revealed that they're close, without a verbal exposition. This is in comparison to Hud from Cloverfield and snot-chick from Blair Witch. Another thing is the photography. The compositions of shots do come off as blurred and rushed, but its obvious that there was a director and a cinematographer. It has deliberate revealing shots that build mood and atmosphere while still coming off as realistic. The lack of a score also helps with the realism. Last bit, is that the camera actually reacts. This thing takes a beating and if its a network camera, then it was made to. But the screen gets messy, the light gets loose and flickers before getting knocked out, the mic reacts when hit. It also cuts realistically. Not like a random edit, but like Scott shut off the camera and when he turned it back on something else was happening. Really puts the viewer right in the scene.
I need to mention the acting before I get into the nitty gritty zombie stuff. Jennifer Carpenter? Yeah, she's amazing. She really shines in horror roles, and I partly blame her face. She was Emily Rose and she is currently known for being Dexter's sister, Debra. In Quarantine, she's the news anchor, Angela. She's cute, likeable, tries to be a tough chick. But she plays the role of blood seeking media leech very well, following the main meat of the story. Then in the end she's just a scared woman, afraid to die, and won't shut up! Thats one part that bothers me about her character but I won't get into it. Then there's Doug Jones. Don't know who he is? Ever seen Hellboy? He's Abe. How about Pan's Labyrinth? The Faun and the Pale Man. Well how about Hocus Pocus? Billy Bones. He's the guy who not just wears a costume but brings it to life. Only fitting that he plays the freakiest looking zombie in the movie. You only see him for a handful of minutes, but daaaaaang.
But this is a zombie movie, what are the zombies like!? You may ask. Well I'll tell you. AWESOME! and TERRIFYING! Quarantine also does the fast, aggressive, zombie thing, but they have a better explanation than rage. But, unlike most other zombie movies, instead of a vast empty world filled with faceless monsters, we start inside a home filled with people. We get to know some of them as Angela goes around interviewing the trapped inhabitants, and they're stories aren't over the top or outrageous. They're just people. Very real people. And bit by bit, they turn to foaming, snarling, hysterical zombies. There's a name to the faces (so to speak). It makes it all the more sad and all the more frightening. As for the zombies themselves? Well its like looking at a monster in human skin. Thats the best way I can put it. The zombies still look human, not dead or disfigured. But they're doing very unhuman things, such as running on all fours, snarling, biting, flailing.
I'm trying not to reveal too much, so if this seemed a little vague, go watch the movie. If you want an experience and don't mind being freaked out afterward, watch it at night in the dark. If not, I suggest middle of the day. But I suggest watching this movie.
Last movie of zombie week: a Romero classic. Which one? You'll have to wait and see.
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| Like Brittish accents and zombies? No not Shaun of the Dead again, but 28 Days Later.
Its our first official full blood horror movie in October. And for a movie that takes itself seriously, it is a little goofy. We've pretty much reached a generation where a shuffling zombie is old and out dated. A person who doesn't do much cardio workouts would be able to outrun the scuffling undead. There's a joke in invader zim where he's in a mall being chased by zombies. They get up to him and he just pushes them over. That's pretty much what the traditional Romero zombie has evolved into. So 28 Days Later gives us fast, aggressive, and strong zombies. Definately more frightful than a lumbering corpse. But they had to come up with a good reason for a fast zombie. So what's it infected with? RAGE!! . . . yeah. Thats the first goofy part.
It also takes itself way too seriously by being ridiculously artsy for a zombie film. Its not really a bad thing per say but it gets a little silly at times. There are a lot of reflective through glass/water shots that don't really tell us much about the characters they're shooting. At first its all like 'hey cool' then it just gets strange then gratuitous. But its directed by Danny Boyle (who did Trainspotting and The Beach prior to 28 Days, and then went on to direct massive award winning Slumdog Millionaire) so there you go. One thing I really really r-e-a-l-l-y liked about this movie were the empty scenes of London. Like wrote a paper on it, like it. Little trivia: they didn't have access to all of an empty London with closed roads except at 4am to 5am. Thats why all the shots in London look like they were taken at sunrise. But it really captured the alone affect, especially since Cillian Murphy was this big mint green dot in the middle of it all.
Speed zombies, as I've said before, are probably the scariest type there is. Even if its because they're angry. (I don't know.) Danny Boyle, in his artsy way, used not as high quality cameras and messed with the speed he shot the zombies at, giving them a very crisp, staccato way of moving. So they look like they're moving faster. A zombie running after you, trying to bite you? Scary man. A zombie twitching and moving faster than a living human would? A very scary illusion!
Then there's the acting. Aaaah the acting. In a personal opinion, good performances all around, especially from Frank. But the chick who played Hannah just. . . well. . . sucked. She was dry, bland, flat, and stale. Me and Phil made a joke that the Valium part at the end was to make up an excuse as to why she acted the way she did. And Seline's character kind of makes a schizophrenic u-turn halfway through the movie, but she was a hard seasoned zombie killing veteran in less than a month so I'm not really picking on her sudden love interest.
But the zombies are scary, the story holds up pretty well, and the atmosphere is absolutely to die for.So if you like reflective window shots, Cillian Murphy's ass (cause there's lots of that), and faster than normal zombies? This movie is for you. The end is extremely fucking nigh.
Now lets get out of England and hang out with some fireman.
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| So a nazi zombie walks into a bar. . .
Okay the bar part is a joke, but Dead Snow made the nazi zombie not.
Dead Snow is a Norwegian horror film with the tag line: Ein Zwei Die! Class and quality right there guys. Actually this isn't my first time seeing this film. Its my second. And the first time I saw it I ended with and open mouth and a 'that was actually good.' Not pretty good. Epically good.
Its another one of those sitcom stories where everything gets out of control bad to worse. Except with a bit more serious business face and gore. Oh and is there ever gore. But I digress. Yes Dead Snow has the sitcom humor, but the reason why we put it in the middle is because it leans more to the horror side of the zombie flick. Personally, I think its because of the monsters. Their not just zombies, but nazis as well. And whats terrifying yet fun to kill at the same time? Nazi zombies.
The first half of the movie is pretty dull. Basic set up of who the characters are, but it doesn't matter because we won't care by the end. Theres stupid explanations behind one character's claustrophobia, and another ones fear of blood. Yeah he gets over that real fast. And sense it takes place in a snowy mountainous terrain, they have to put in the 'how to figure out which way is up when you have been buried by an avalanche' trick. It's spitting if you can't recall.
The most retarded exposition to the first half comes from the typical cliche old guy. He comes in out of no where, demands things from our heros then insults them. Then explains the back story. Which I admit is pretty clever. But the direction they must have given this guy was 'try to be a boring as possible.' Most of the characters during this 5 minute explanation were just staring blankly at him and one fell asleep. My eyes glazed over for a second before I was like 'oh yeah this is important.' But yeah he basically explains there were a monsters gang of nazis who were more evil than your standard nazis lead by this guy named Herzog and they had some treasure. And, uh duh, our heros find it.
Commence second half of epic zombies. It follows standard cliches like, the people who have sex are the first to die. Pretty boy gets badass. There is a stupid guy who keeps fucking up.The finding a tool shed with a chainsaw in it. And yes, one character goes into a psyco rage, his girl friend taps his shoulder during this, and thinking its a zombie, he axes her in the neck. Fun. But he was a douche throughout the whole movie so it was more laughable than sad.
The main zombie, Herzog, is a fucking beast. He's one of those monsters you would hate to wake up and find. Sure his costume is tacky and not nazi shiny and sure the make up is a little stupid and bulky, but god damn if it doesn't scare the piss out of me. He's also rather polite at times, waiting patiently for the remaining survivors to pick off his men before revealing his ultimate attack. He doesn't lift a finger to attack even though he looks like a friggin brute. And the way he walks and the way he just stares down the heroes, ugh, terrific.
Lastly, the gore. I need to talk about this. There are some magnificent zombie kills in this movie. Sometimes even laughable. Most of the time laughable, actually. Even the human deaths are pretty funny. But this movie has a fixation with intestine. The first death, hanging intestine. One of the girls is dying while zombies pick out their intestine. Theres one point where a zombie gets stuck on a tree with his intestine hanging out. Our hero gets tackled by another zombie off a cliff, but lucky for him because he's holding onto the intestine of the tree zombie and can dangle by it off the freakin cliff! WTF?
Dead Snow, in short, is campy, over the top, ridiculous action. Its predictable, gorey, and downright cliche. By the end of the movie, that doesn't seem to matter. Its more than entertaining. Its freakin epic. The brunt of a joke, but hell, its a funny joke. Watch it and feel stupid!
Tonight, we travel back to the land of horror with, what I think, is the scariest kind of zombie: the kind that runs really fast.
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Dead Alive
By Timothy Balme, Jed Brophy, Stuart Devenie, Silvio Fumularo, Murray Keane
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Okay. Wow. So yeah, Braindead. Or to use savages in the US, Dead Alive
This was an interesting kind of zombie movie. To fully understand it, you probably should know a little bit about Peter Jackson. The pre-oscar winning one. In the beginning there was splatter. The splatter period that is. His first known movies include Bad Taste, Meet the Feebles, and of course Braindead. Really, The Valley which was made more than 10 years before the other three was his first, but it really doesn't fit with the. . . crudeness level. If you haven't seen the Feebles film, go look up a little song called Sodomy on YouTube. That'll pretty much explain it.
But Braindead is a part of this 'splatter period' which rightfully earned its name. I mean, zombie movies tend to have bath tubs worth of blood but, damn! This movie has some of the most ridiculous zombies and zombie killing scenes. Maybe not ever, but certainly gives other movies a run for its money.
Ever have one of those situations where you fuck up and then you try your best to smooth it over like nothing happened? The sitcom situation. Except in a sitcom things get worse and worse and worse. Yeah, Braindead pretty much does that. The main character is a momma's boy shut in who has become romantically entwined by fate with a gypsy's daughter. Yeah weak I know, but really zombie movies don't need much plot or excuse. So our hero and the gypsy go on a date to the zoo where the over possessive mother follows and gets bitten by the stop-motion animation zombie monkey. Can you just smell the ridiculousness?
From there the rest of our hero's existence kind of goes down hill. He finds himself now taking care of not only his sickly mother but his undead mother. And not just her either. She turns a nurse and then a motorcycle punk, who in turn, makes a zombie out of a priest (who had a strong knowledge of martial arts).
Everything about this movie was over the top and completely hammy. And it wasn't in a b-movie way either. All of the crazy acting with slapstick Chaplin-esque comedy worked. My brief explanation of the story should give some vague idea of what this movie has in store. Also along with the hammy acting comes crazy puppet (Feeble style) action and a zombie fight sequence similar to Sam Raimi.
The only problem, the only real problem I had with this movie, was the sound. I'm not sure if it was the copy that we had or if it was the actual quality, but it was hard to understand what people were saying sometimes. Not that it was vitally important, once the zombie slaughtering started up, all need for words went out the window.
I'll end on the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen a zombie movie pull. So the nurse zombie and the ninja priest zombie look at each other and start doin it on the dining room table. The next day nurse zombie has baby zombie. Yeah, pre-Oscar Peter Jackson, ladies and gentlemen.
So, a zombie nazi walks into a bar. . . .
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| Well before I go on about this movie, I must talk about the previews. Yes, I must.
First up is Nightmare on Elm St. They made a remake. I must say, it looks like it may be half way decent except for one HUGE detail. Let me explain. The trailer starts off with this guy running away. The background has this kind of wasteland feel to it, everything is gray, there are a lot of abandoned buildings and cars. The man is being chased through this environment by some cars and he runs into this house. A bunch of 50's people get out of the car and I'm all like 'Am I still playing Fallout 3?' Then they shout out 'You're dead Krueger' or something to that affect. Phil groans at that part but I'm still intrigued. So they set fire to the building and the man takes off his jacket to reveal the signature striped shirt. Then the screen cuts dramatically to black. And, peering through the black, fading onto screen in torn up red text, the trailer tells me: DIRECTED BY MICHEAL BAY. Just like that, lost all interest.
Next trailer I'm going to talk about is Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day. Yeah the title is lame. Well at least I think so. For me, all the glory of the first movie was the mystery behind the characters. At the end of the movie, everything was revealed, so now no mystery. The trailer pretty much advertised to the whole 'shoot em up' aspect of the movie, so I'm not really interested, but Phil is. *shrug*
Lastly 2012. Now I know this movie is going to be shit. I know this. I watched the trailer and you know what? I WANT TO SEE IT NOW! God damnitt! It looks so pretty but I know its going to be so stupid. Shit.
Also there was a Rifftrax Plan 9 From Outer Space trailer for one day and I was all like Yay and there was a New Moon trailer and I was all like pfft snort giggle that looks terrible.
Anyways, on to the movie. Zombieland!
Humanity. Thats a big aspect to zombie movies. I mean, really, without humans there can't be zombies. And without humanity there can't be anything for the zombies to fight against. You can try doing aliens vs zombies (actually I think they have) but its so much more fun to see a human beat a zombie's head in with a baseball bat. Or in this case, a banjo. Or a piano.
The reason why humans just NEED to be in zombie movies is because of our connection with the humans. I know I've at least thought a couple of times of shooting someone with a shot gun and then thinking of some creative way to drag on the carnage. I'm sure someone else has thought of it too. And in a zombie apocolypse, there's your answer. A responsibility free way to mutilate another human being.
This movie pretty much encapsulates all of that. There were times where I wished this movie was a video game so I could do what some of the characters were doing, hell I wished I was in their situations so I could kick some zombie ass. Part of my want for this were the settings. Abandoned grocery store, gas station, long stretches of high way with empty cars, ghost town suburbias, and best of all, the amusement park grand finale at the end. That looks hella fun.
All four of the main characters were pretty much cartoons, really. And the events were predictable. But hell if this movie didn't make it awesome! Everything was timed so perfectly, so that the situations that you could see coming from miles and miles away were still entertaining and hilarious to watch.
But yeah, this is more of a comedy than a horror film, you can tell from the trailers. They hit some lows, but for the most part the humor is pretty light. It also addresses how people react in such an empty world. How they change to survive. Going back to the humanity thing. But again, going back to the predictability thing, these changes are delivered in a way that its endearing. Also, hilarious.
Most importantly, there is a surprise. A little nugget in the middle of the movie. No review I've read for this movie has spoiled it yet, so you're good there. Just if you plan on seeing the movie, stay away from IMDB. The surprise is worth it.
Tonight, me and Phil go back to a Peter Jackson classic.
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